Doom the Lagopez: The Hero Man's Dream
by sillysniper15
Summary: This is the story of Doom the Lagopez, a family man just like you and I. His world is about to change when he learns of a new business proposition that could change his life forever. Doom the Lagopez/ninjas/nukes/the general/explosions


Doom the Lagopez was a family man, he had a wife and kids, lived his normal job, did normal things. This was until he received an interesting business proposition by-

OMG NINJAS BECAUSE THEY HAD MISSILES AND NUKES OMG THE BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND THE WIFE IS DEAD AND THE CHILDREN ARE EATING EACHOTHER, OH THE HORROR!

…now Doom the Lagopez didn't know what to say: Should he accept his new life as a crime fighting individual or stay comfortable with his usual life.

SO HE FLIPPED A COIN, AND BY COIN I MEAN THE HEAD OF A NINJA HE BACKFLIP-KICKED INTO THE AIR, WITH BLOOD EVERYWHERE, AND GORE AND EXPLOSIONS!

"Funny." He thought, "It landed on heads, guess I have to accept." He slowly turned to the company to look at it one more time, reminiscing about all the fun times he had: The company party where he met his wife, the fax machine incident, even little Bobo the dog the manager kept as a pet against company policy.

…BEFORE HE BLEW IT UP BECAUSE SCREW THAT LIFE MAN THAT'S PART OF THE SYSTEM, CAN'T TRUST THE FAMILY YOU KNOW? HE RIPPED ON HIS GLOVES AND SMASHED HIS VEST ON, slowly and carefully handling the dangerous firearm he was about to become very familiar with, AND EXPLODED ONTO HIS MOTORCYCLE!

He adjusted his seat and made sure to follow all the rules he had meticulously studied over the summer of 1982 to acquire his driving permit. "That was the best moments of his life," He thought, "studying and learning. It really helped his attitudes towards all paperwork.

HIS UBER HIGH TECH MOTORCYCLE DIDNT LISTEN TO HIM BECAUSE IT WAS PART OF THE SYSTEM, MAN! BEFORE IT COULD EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PRETTY FIREWORKS, a handsome young general who had earned all of his credentials early appeared on a screen that slowly extended from the side of the bike, "DOOM" HE SCREAMED " YOU HAVE TO STOP THE NUKE. ITS GOING TO EXPLODE EVERYTHING AND PRETTY LADIES WILL DIE. THE NINJAS ARE CRAZY MAN AND ARE GOING TO SET IT OFF AT LAS VEGAS! "Pardon me sir" Doom said AS HE PUNCHED OUT THE SCREEN AND THREW IT BEHIND HIM ON THE HIGHWAY, "It's not safe for me to drive while distracted" He chucked to himself on just how silly that general was.

HE DROVE OFF THE HIGHWAY AND THREW A GRENADE INTO THE AIR, BACK IN TIME BEFORE HE JUMPED OFF SO HE WOULD GET A SPEED BOOST IN THE ALTERNATE DIMEN-, YOU KNOW WHAT FORGET IT I'M DONE EXPLAINING THAT. ANYWAY, HE gently pressed the "INITIATE NUCLEAR WINGS OF OMG AWESOME" being very careful not to press the other scary-looking buttons. "I sure hope I don't hurt anyone with the explosion, and am prepared to pay for damages."

BUT TOO BAD BECAUSE THE GENERAL ON THE BROKEN SCREEN SMASHED HIS FACE ON THE TELEPORTATION BUTTON, OPENING A RIFT INTO THE DARKNESS DIMENTION OF GEOMETRY 5!

This is where Doom was surprised and decided to take pictures to send to his parents-in-law as he had no wife and kids left to send them too after all this. "Ooh," he admired. "Look at the rainbow sine waves. Oh, and is that a pretty cube bunny?"

WRONG, BECAUSE THE BUNNY WAS ACTUALLY A SECRET DETONATOR THAT EXPLOZORED AND BLASTED DOOM AWAY INTO LAS VEGAS AND THE SHAPES CRASHED INTO EACHOTHER AND EXPLODED AND FUSED AND THE DIMENSION WAS NO MORE AND OH, THE GEOMETRY!

SO DOOM DID A BACKFLIP IN ALL. THREE. DIMENSIONS. (and just a little in the fourth) AND THE NINJAS KNEW WHAT WAS GOING DOWN, because Doom bent his upper body forward and bowed, signifying in the ninja community that what he really wanted to get across WAS THAT HE WAS GOING TO RIP OFF THEIR HEADS!

AND SO HE GOT A SWAT VEHICLE AND THREW IT AT THEM, BUT THEY WERE TOO SMART, AND STARTED DOING COMPLEX ALGEBRA, "Oh," Doom said, "Oh, is that how it's going to be? I'm a normal family man, sure. But when I get angry..." The ninjas paused their attack and stared. "I get real angry."

SO HE WENT SUPER BUSTOR BLASTOR ULTIMATE NINJA NUCLEAR SUPREME LEADER ELITE 5 BILLION AND WHEN THE FIRST NINJA CAME AT HIM HE slapped the ninja to knock him back into his senses AND HE CEASED TO EXIST!

AND THEN HE gave the rest of the ninjas a stern talking to and tried to reason with them AND THEIR EARS BLEEDED OFF AND THEIR FACES MELTED AND THE ONE GIRL NINJA TOOK OFF HER MASK (which is very dishonorable in ninja community - Background ninja #6 ) AND KISSED HIM AND BY KISS I MEAN TRIED TO BITE HIS HEAD OFF WITH HER PIRAHNA TEETH!

…so he let her down gently and said that while he currently wasn't married because his wife BURNED TO DEATH, he wasn't looking for a relationship right now. She WALKED AWAY, KNOWING SHE WASNT WANTED and was lazered to death by the other ninjas because NINJAS ARE PART OF THE ANCIENT FEUDAL SYSTEM, YO!

He jogged to the control room where he tried to disarm the bomb, taking knowledge from the day he was a boy scout where he got his bomb defusing badge. "YOU'RE TOO LATE" THE GENERAL YELLED, APPEARING ON ANOTHER MONITOR, " I ACTUALLY AM BIG BOSS AND AM DEFEAT YOU NOW. NUCLEAR WARHEAD!" "Yes?" The warhead asked. "I WANT TO YOU TO EXPLODE, ITS MY BIRTHDAY." "Fine," Said the warhead.

SO THE NUKE EXPLODED, BUT DOOM KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO: He started skipping on a game of imaginary hopscotch, his steps SLAMMING THE EARTH INTO RUBBLE BUT WHICH THE SHOCKWAVE CANCELS OUT THE NUKE EXPLOSION OR SOMETHING, DONT ASK ME ABOUT SCIENCE.

So Doom decided that all of this could be avoided in the future if he just gave the general a gift for his birthday so he wouldn't feel so lonely anymore. He opened the door connected to the control room and saw the general alone, with his party hat on. "Aww, he needs a friend." Doom thought to himself, and POINTED HIS SUPER WEAPON GUN, X-11 SOOPER HAXORS WASHINGTON, JUST LIKE IN THE PROFILE PIC (PLZ DUN CHANGE DOOM K?) AND FIRED HIS NUCLEAR BULLETS SHAPED LIKE EXLOSIONS AND INFINITY SIGNS AND SENT THE GENERAL TO BLACK HOLE HADES.

"Happy birthday, TO ME!"

THEN HE HIT THE RESET BUTTON SO HE COULD DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN AND BE COOL AND UNCOOL AND COOL AND UNCO-

The End


End file.
